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I was told by my mom and friends that there’s a new reality show in Indonesia. The show is called “Masihkah Kau Mencintaiku?” or in English “Do you Still Love Me?” The participants are husband and wife who have been married for years, but for some reason either the husband or wife want a divorce. The show describes the problems in the household with the goal to unite the couple. There are marriage counsel and pyscholog expert who listen to the problems and try to find the best possible solutions. Of course at the end of the show, to separate or unite will be the exclusive decision to the marriage couple.
The show makes me curious. Luckily some of the sessions were uploaded on youtube, so I gave it a watch. It turns out to be quite interesting. One of the sessions that I watched is called “A Perfect Wife for My Husband”. The case was quite unusual because the wife (Nia) asked for a divorce from her husband (Indra) not because she didn’t love him anymore. On the other hand, she loved him so much that she would let him go and ask him to marry other woman for his happiness. Nia and Indra had been married for 12 years. They had a 10 year old daughter. 3 years ago, Nia was diagnosed with cervical cancer and her uterus had to be removed. Since then she was feeling incomplete as a woman and wife. She could not do her duties as a wife to her husband. She’s in a wheelchair. She thought she was a burden to Indra and wanted him to divorce her and then got married to other (perfect) woman.
However, Indra could not accept his wife’s decision. He loved his wife so much that he just couldn’t let her go. He held his wedding oath, in health and in sickness, he would always be with her wife. He never thought of marrying other woman, let alone divorce Nia. He tried very hard to convince Nia that his love to her was never change. He would take care of her for the rest of his life. He stated clearly that he still loved Nia, regardless her condition.
The experts—marriage counsel and psycholog—asked many questions to this couple. Nia honestly admitted that her husband’s behaviours in fact never changes in the even slightest degree. He had been a devoted husband for years, being with her to undergo medical tests and treatments (including chemotherapy), never once complaining. She really loved him and wanted him to be happy. She would let him go to look for a better wife, not like her who couldn’t do her duties as a good and normal wife. Indra actually never forced her to do all those duties, including on bed duties. He knew she was in pain during their sexual intercourse and he didn’t want to make her suffer. Indra wanted his wife not to think about that, but focused on her health. The experts gave the same advice. Nia should have increased her desire to recover. She had already a loving husband and daughter who fully supported her. She wasn’t supposed to think about divorce because it didn’t make her husband happy, after all. Instead, she should never give up praying and giving her best efforts to cure the disease. The experts also reminded Indra to be consistent and comitted with his decision—to love Nia unselfishly.
It’s a touching session on the show. I like what Indra said when he tried to convince Nia: “My Dear, there’s no incurable disease, believe that God will heal. These are challenges from God that our family have to face together with strength and faithfulness.” This couple indeed share real love and understanding. They love each other unselfishly. They want to give and do the best for each other, let alone willing to sacrifice their own needs for their partner’s happiness. I learn something from the show. And I hope when I get married, I can stick to my wedding oath…. to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health…
